Would I want to go backwards?

If I had the chance to go backwards, and have my first baby all over again, would I want to go backwards, and start fresh? Would I want to go back to when I was 27 and expecting my first baby? Would I want to go back to just the dating stage, and the newly wed stage? When I thought my life was really busy and complicated?

No, I would not. When I hear of others getting pregnant now, I am so glad that I am almost done! Don't get me wrong, I am excited for all of the people expecting! But, I don't miss the tired stage, the I feel dead to the world stage and the throw up and nausea stage. I am so glad that I am over that part.

I am glad that I do not have to become a parent for the first time again either. Or even the second time. When I experienced postpartum depression. Going from one to two for me was really difficult. But, I know I learned a lot about myself during those years. I had to ask for help. Sometimes you just need help, and it is OK to ask for help. That is a big lesson I learned.

Those were very hard years, and years I am glad I experienced, but I am happy now that when number six arrives, I will be confident in my abilities to mother this child. I am confident that we will survive the newborn period, the breastfeeding and the sleepless nights that come with the territory of a brand new life in the family. I am happy that I have acquired so much wisdom over the past decade and know we can do this, this one last time. I am confident in all that we will have to do, to raise this baby into a wonderful human being who will be our son or daughter! Cliff and I have sort of equated to adding a new baby like riding a bike. It is very familiar. Yes, there will be little differences, but on the whole. We can manage. That is a good feeling!

Still, even though I have done this having a baby thing five times before, does not mean that I am not as excited as each and every time...I think I am most excited because I DO know the challenges we will face, all of the firsts of the first year, the first day of school and beyond. It is so exciting to me. I am also so excited to see the other kids first reactions to the new baby in the family. To see what kind of personality this baby will have. Will it be a boy or a girl? Will the baby have hair? Will the baby be a good sleeper? Will baby feed easily? How much will you weigh? Will baby get dimples like Caroline and Daddy? Will baby have light hair, or dark hair or no hair at all? It is exciting just to see how the baby will fit perfectly into our lives! That is so exciting to me! It is such a neat thing to bring a baby into the world, and just marvel in the new life. And, when we look at the baby we will know that baby was meant to be in our lives. And, the moment the baby is born, we not even recall what life was like or even imagine our lives without having the baby in it. That is the miracle of life. When this sixth baby is born, we will finally be able to start to answer all of the unknowns that we wonder about every day! Some of these unknowns will be answered in five weeks or less. Some will take longer, but we cannot wait!

No, I definitely would not go backwards, but I do know I look forward to moving on! I look forward to seeing how our lives will be as a family of eight! I do know that EIGHT is ENOUGH!